woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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