Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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