My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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