Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are two peas in an std pod
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
