I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
