He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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