Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
