I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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