My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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