I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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