my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
