I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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