i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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