well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
