Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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