It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
