Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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