i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
