This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
