3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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