dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
