Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
