How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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