Screwed.edu
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
