I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
