i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize