I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
