so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize