just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't deserve a penis
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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