Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
