i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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