were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
