i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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