his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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