I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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