you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
