i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
