I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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