And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
