why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
