sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
