their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Randomize
