Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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