That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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