woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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