My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
