dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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