just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
