he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
