you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
