i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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