woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
