Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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