"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize