So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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