Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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