she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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