TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
