Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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