really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
