You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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