I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
