The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
