i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize