It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
