Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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